NIGERIA: Nation of leaders, not followers

BBC’s Martin Patience is leaving Nigeria after 2 years. I listened to a recap of his lessons learned in a version of the ‘From Our Own Correspondent’ yesterday. Below is a transcribed excerpt of his version.
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”Nigeria is truly the maddest place I have ever had the pleasure of living in. It’s a country that constantly feels on the brink but never quite goes over the edge.

“It feels like you are living in a giant soap opera with all the joy and tragedy that goes with it. It is a nation blessed or burdened with extraordinary cast of characters.

“It can make you want to cry with laughter or with tears. ‘’where else?’’ said a friend.

“That you have to bribe the attendant in a lift just to be allowed out of it; or you will be hassled in a church for a donation or where you will go to a lost but found office only to be told that nothing has been handed in this entire year. What you may not have heard about is the sheer exuberance of this country.

“They should hand out ear plugs in Nigerian weddings because the noise is so intense! Millions truly believe that tomorrow could be the day they make it big. The language here is unbelievably colorful.

“A top official once described a former president as an honest fool, who held the horn while the others milk the cow.

“I have never ever lived anywhere like Nigeria! It’s exhausting and exhilarating but never is there a dull a day.

“I was recently sitting in a plane and we were taxiing out to the runway; a pilot piped up in an intercom, ‘’a passenger’’ he said, ‘’was rude to an air hostess’’. ‘’I ask you the passengers’’, he said, ‘’to intervene, because unless he apologizes, we will have to go back to the terminal and unload him’’.

“A queue of about a dozen people surrounding the man, shouting at him to apologize. He refused, so the pilot did indeed turn the plane back towards the boarding gate. And then finally, the man, realizing his number was up, said sorry.

“The pilot was back on the intercom, ‘’I will like to thank you all for intervening’’ he said with obvious delight, ‘’ we are now off to Lagos’’.

“For all the drama and frustrations, one friend summed up Nigerians’ best, ‘’they have remarkable patience’’ he argued. ‘’but for the wrong things.

“They put up with lack of clean water, poor access to health care, rotten schools and crumbling infrastructure.’’ Many Nigerians are fiercely independent. This is a nation of leaders and not followers.”

#copied

The Five Languages of Apology

By Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas

A REVIEW OF CHAPTER 9:

LEARNING TO FORGIVE

Here we move to accepting apologies.

It is established that the need for forgiveness always begins with an offense.

One Professor Robert Enright,
pioneering forgiveness research, sees forgiveness as a moral issue & defines Forgiveness as a “response to an injustice (a moral wrong),” and “turning to the ‘good’ in the face of wrongdoing.”

If no offense, then forgiveness is absent.

Apologies all have same two goals: 1) offender be forgiven
2) relationship be reconciled

Forgiveness is still a choice. You & I can choose to forgive or not.
Offense destroys the
tranquility of the relationship. There’s hurt, anger, disappointment, disbelief, betrayal & rejection.

Your sense of justice has been violated.

Offense would sit as an emotional barrier between two people. Often the situation gets compounded by response, especially when show of disrespect is reciprocated.

People are all imperfect & sometimes fail to treat each other with love, dignity & respect. Apologies and forgiveness are thus essential elements to healthy relationships.

First is apology is unimportant. Apologies are important. An apology reaches out for
forgiveness.

The art of forgiving

Three Hebrew words & four Greek words translated into ‘forgive’ in English. They’re synonyms with varying shades of
meaning. Key ideas are “to cover; to take away; to pardon; and to be gracious to.”

If you’re the offended party, forgiveness means that you will not seek revenge, that you will not demand justice, that you will not let the offense stand between & anyone or anything.

Forgiveness results in reconciliation.

The Forgiveness Cycle

An apology is an important part of the forgiveness cycle. An offense is committed; an apology is made; and forgiveness is given.

Here the author goes a biblical journey, which I will spare you most it but he concludes that the divine model is a wise and prudent model for making an apology in today’s world because it has two essential elements:

(1) confession and repentance on the part of the offender

(2) forgiveness on the part of the one sinned against.

To forgive opens the door to reconciliation. Not to forgive leads to further deterioration of the relationship.

Jesus declared to His followers, “Do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Since most of us would like to have forgiveness when we fail. Therefore, we are encouraged to extend
forgiveness to those who offend us. The ideal scenario is that when we offend others, we take the initiative to apologize.

If the person apologizes, then you forgive. There is to be no limit to our forgiveness so long as the offender returns to apologize.

What if the offender refuses to apologize—even when confronted with his/her wrong behavior? We are to approach the person a second time, telling them of the offense & giving them opportunity to apologize.

Moral failures always stand as a barrier that can be removed only by apologizing and forgiveness.
Therefore, if a person refuses to apologize for a moral failure after being confronted several times, we are to release the person who has sinned against us to God, letting God take care of the person rather than insisting.

THE DANGER OF FORGIVING TOO EASILY
Since childhood loads of people learned to forgive quickly & freely. In so doing, we may end
up encouraging destructive behavior.

Earlier it was indicated that there are two common responses to an apology:forgive or not to forgive.

But in reality, there is a third possible response: Sometimes we have been hurt so deeply or so often that we cannot bring
ourselves emotionally, spiritually, or physically to the point of genuinely extending forgiveness. We need time for inner healing, lor the restoration of emotional balance, or sometimes physical health that will give us the capacity to forgive.

Simply put, the 3rd option is to wait.

This brings us to the issue of rebuilding trust. Forgiveness and trust are not to be equated because forgiveness is a decision, it can be extended immediately when one perceives he has heard a sincere apology.

However, trust is not a decision —it is rather an emotion . Trust is that gut-level confidence that you will do what you say you will do.

COMPLETING THE CYCLE

Forgiveness holds the power to give renewed life to the relationship. Without forgiveness, relationships die. With forgiveness, relationships have the potential for becoming vibrant and enriching the lives of the people involved.

WHAT FORGIVENESS CAN’T DO

Forgiveness does not remove all the results of failure.

For example, If a man is given to fits of anger and strikes out at his wife, hitting her on the chin and breaking her jaw, he may sincerely confess and she may genuinely forgive. But her jaw is still broken and may cause her difficulty for years to come.

It is one of the fundamental realities of life: When we commit actions or speak words that are detrimental to another, the consequences stay on.

The Chapter ends with tips on Statements of forgiveness:

– I am deeply hurt by what you said.

– I think you realize that.

– I appreciate your apology, because without it, I don’t think I could forgive you. But because I think you are sincere, I want you to know that I forgive you.

– What can I say? I’m touched by your apology. I value our relationship greatly. Therefore, I’m choosing to forgive you.

– I didn’t know if I would ever be able to say this sincerely. I was devastated by what you did. I would never have imagined you capable of doing such a thing. But I love you, and I choose to believe that your apology is sincere. So I am offering you my forgiveness.

– Your work error has cost me both time and money. I want to forgive you for causing this problem. Yes, I believe that with your correction plan in place, I can forgive you.

– I know how hard it is for you to swallow your pride and say, “I was wrong.” You’ve grown in my eyes, and I do forgive you.

Learning to Forgive
The Five Languages of Apology

1. EXPRESSING REGRET – “I am sorry.”

2. ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY – “I was wrong.”

3. MAKING RESTITUTION – “What can I do to make it right?”

4. GENUINELY REPENTING – “Try not to do that again.”

5. REQUESTING FORGIVENESS – “Will you please forgive me?”

The Siddis: Lost Africans of India

By Ahmed Yahaya JoeAccording to Winston Hubert McIntosh the founder of The Wailers; He sings :“Don’t care where you come from,🎵
As long as you’re a black man,🎶 You’re an African🎵
No mind your nationality,🎶
You have got the identity of an African” 🎵The Bush Doctor otherwise known as Stepping Razor but more popularly as Peter Tosh nailed it in his Equal Rights album of 1977The Siddis or Habshi are fellow Africans inhabiting India and Pakistan known as Afro-Asians; “They are descended from the Bantu peoples of the East African region. Some were merchants, sailors, indentured servants, slaves and mercenaries. The Siddi population is currently estimated at around 270,000–350,000 individuals, with Karnataka, Gujarat and Hyderabad in India and Makran and Karachi in Pakistan as the main population centres. Siddis are primarily Muslims, although some are Hindus and others are Christians”Similarly; “another term for Siddis – Habshi, is held to be derived from the common name for the captains of the Abyssinian ships that also first delivered Siddi slaves to the subcontinent. The first Siddis are thought to have arrived in India in 628 AD at the Bharuch port.”To escape discrimination and racial profiling many Siddis have inter – married to dilute their identity. However, the Siddis should not be mistaken for the dark skinned Indians known as Dalits that mostly inhabit Tamil Nadu. I have visited their capital Madras now called Chennai
The caste system in India is chiefly based on birth and color – The darker the lower. The Brahmins (the priestly people) are the highest then the Kshatriyas (also called Rajanyas, who were rulers, administrators and warriors), followed by the Vaishyas (artisans, merchants, tradesmen and farmers), and Shudras (the labourer class) of which the dark Dalits known as “Untouchables” are on the lowest rungs“What is Wrong With Being Black?” is the title of Matthew Ashimolowo’s well researched and extensively referenced 2007 book that traces the history of racial discrimination with the economic rise of Europe through the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade replicated in the Indian Ocean with Arabs.Truth is discrimination of whatever kind is a strategic weapon to gain undue advantage over others. That is why within the same race there is a caste system or class structure, within the same religion denominational differences and even within the same family siblings are positioned by age or gender and so on.Hierarchy is an entirely human creation. All men were created equal but nobody in history has ever had the capacity to enforce that inconvenient truth thereby validating the ancient axiom; “I, against my brothers. I and my brothers against my cousins. I and my brothers and my cousins against the world”It is against this background that identity politics was invented and conflict entrepreneurs arose. Since then we have all been sucked into an endless vortex of hitting each other with ethnicity, religion and other means we find necessary to take advantage over each other

“Don’t go looking for fights – but if you’re hit, deck the bastard” – Roger Ailes

OUR OLD RULES OF CHILDISH FOOTBALL AS REFLECTED IN OUR NIGERIAN FOOTBALL SCENE

1. The fat kid was always the goalkeeper / The least influential Minister(Commissioner) gets the sports portfolio.
🧓🧓🧓

2. The owner of the ball decides who plays / The government of the day determines the attention sports gets.
🧑‍⚖️🧑‍⚖️

3. The one who is not picked was responsible to fetch the ball when it got out of play in order to play the next game/ The fan is the least concern of the clubs
👨‍👨‍👧‍👧👨‍👨‍👧‍👧👨‍👨‍👧‍👧

4. When the owner of the ball got annoyed, it’s game over/ When government ceases sponsorship, game over.
🕵🏼‍♂️🕵🏼‍♂️🕵🏼‍♂️🕵🏼‍♂️

5. When you hit your toes against a stone and you noticed blood, you quickly cover the area of injury with sand as a form of first aid and play continues /If you’re an injured player, you are OYO till you heal.
👨🏼‍🦽👨🏼‍🦽👨🏼‍🦽👨🏼‍🦽👨🏼‍🦽👨🏼‍🦽

6. You can’t dribble the owner of the ball too much, this may lead him to stop the game by taking away his ball / If the football federation tries to be too autonomous, government clip their wings .
😀😆😆😆😆

7. No offsides and there was no referee / International rules are a guide to be used as applicable & adjustable to suit influence.
😝😝😝😝😝

8. There is foul only if you fell and plenty of dust everywhere / The offended team takes the decision it gets, no appeal only surrender.
😅😅😅😅

9. The two best players can not play in the same team, so they challenge themselves and pick others / Government owned clubs & government ran Federations pick the rules & players all day long, everyday, every season .
😋😋😋😋😋

10. If you are chosen last it means you are not good and you will remain in defense / When Government ran Federations identify with you & engage you, then you either dance to their tunes or else.
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

11. The best player is always in the same team with the owner of the ball/ The best funded teams always gets the most influence with the federation .
🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

12. To distinguish the two teams, one of the teams pulls off their shirts/ Fans don’t need to wear club jerseys, it’s a taboo in Nigerian Football.
😳😳😳😳😳😳

13. There is always a house which when the ball goes in there, we knew game is over. So be careful!! / There is always that state/federal administration that doesn’t give a damn about football & will hold everything up.
☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

14. Game will only be over when it is dark and we could barely see the ball/ The whole Nigerian Football set up will collapse when we refuse to modernize & adjust.
😫😫😫😫😫😫

15 Back then, we’ll all disperse in groups, teasing one another until we get home to face another punishment by our parents./ Now we continue to blame each other & still run back to government to get treated like gutless unprofessionals & distinguished beggers.
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

CONCLUSION
I really enjoyed my childhood, as I am certain you did too.

If you are not one of
us, of the childhood described above, you belong to another generation, with similar enjoyable childhood experience.

But sadly, we are still stuck in childish times in our football because we refuse to do the right thing.

NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT MUST LEAVE FOOTBALL TO THE HANDLING OF GENUINE FOOTBALL STAKEHOLDERS… PERIOD!!!!

©YasNiger™

EMBARRASSMENT AND UNNECESSARY PRESSURE IN LIFE

1. Put your kids in schools you can afford because expensive schools don’t guarantee good
results. Just ensure they attend a good affordable school.

2. Rent apartments you can pay for conveniently. Don’t live in a house you struggle to pay yearly. If your 2 – 4 months salary or business profit can’t pay for your
accommodation, then that accommodation is not for
your level of income.

3. A man whose wife is pregnant has good 9 months to prepare, same as the pregnant woman in question. They should even plan for the worse and only seek help when they can’t meet up.

4. Some problems in our lives don’t just pop up. If we don’t own a home, we know we would pay rents. So its not an emergency.

5. Let’s plan our lives and live within our means. Save more and spend less and invest wisely. Never invest in something that will make you rich overnight. No seed grows to a tree overnight and provide fruits, not even
tomatoes.

6. Some women buy food for their children every morning before going to school or even for the whole family. Do you know it’s cheaper to cook at home?

7. Some people don’t earn much, but have cable TV at home and have get expensive upgrade bundles when they don’t have income upgrades. Besides, most people pay for cable subscription they don’t have light or time to
watch.

8. Eat healthy meals and protect your family from mosquitoes to avoid going to the hospital always. Sleep under mosquito treated net, saves you cost of
treatment on malaria.

9. Take advantage of food and fruits in season, its cheaper and you can be creative to create
amazing meals. Every fruit in each season is meant to
help your body fight sickness or health challenges in that season.

10. Don’t copy your neighbor’s lifestyle. She earns well and her
husband is a ‘big
man’.

11. Don’t follow trends, wear clean well-ironed clothes and
keep your hair neat. You would still look good.

12. Keep your circle small, keep only friends that are reasonable!

13. Above all things, be reasonable and prudent. If you’re religious or not have
integrity, don’t be lazy.

14. Planning is the key, if you fail to plan, you plan to FAIL.

15. Don’t do more than your budget this year, there is no award given to best family that wore an expensive cloth for
the year.

16. Don’t be in competition with
anyone. The purpose of shoes
and clothes are to cover our nakedness, make us smart and
good.

Always avoid living fake life & pretence.

#copied