GERMAN ENGLISH

This is Absolutely Brilliant & you will want to read this to the end.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

And Congratulations, you have learnt German within minutes…“`

I WAS ALMOST KIDNAPPED

I was away in Bauchi for work this weekend & I was almost kidnapped.

Strangest thing

My trip was to inspect a school of health in an area in Bauchi town called Kandahar. They are looking to affiliate with the school I work for.

I got in around 3pm Saturday & insisted I started immediately cos I plan to leave early today. I was done by 6pm & was in my hotel room 15 minutes later. It is a shitty hotel with no cable TV, just central video playing old nollywood films.

Trust me nah. I ventured out to the nearest viewing center to watch the rest of the Chelsea vs Norwich City FA match. I asked & got directions. Seated & sipping my coke, it was already well into the game. About the beginning of the second half two middle aged men arrived & sat either side of me. They greeted & oddly complimented me for my inspection of their neighboring school a few hours earlier. I didn’t recall seeing either of them there but then there were lots of people around, staff members mainly.

Anyways, it turns out that they had only observed from close by & hatched the idea for a quick Buck.

The idea is to grab me for just the night & make my host pay for my release or suffer the consequence. And the idiots thought telling me will make me cooperate.

A pen knife was shown to me & I was to believe that one of them was brandishing a pistol inside the pocket of his kaftan.

I thanked God for my little soja training in military school. I was immediately certain there is no hidden gun & the fools were softies, without a day’s experience in combat.

I readied to spring out of the plastic chair like a cobra & lash out at the guy with the knife first, with an open handed slap. Then kick out at the other guy with my good left foot.

Behold, the men suddenly burst out laughing. It was a prank & they were sent by my host to look me up but learned I had stepped out to watch a game so they joined me. The gun turned out to be a pistol feigned hand and the knife a stainless steel opener.

It was a nice comic relief but it didn’t help my heart pressure

😅😅😅😅