One Nigeria or What?

If you are a Nigerian or a friend of Nigeria, you need to read these exchanges between some friends on a whatsApp group.

Please read on patiently, be informed, learn & enjoy.

‘Morning all…
Sorry guys I know these are way up the thread of posts, but I MUST answer these comments:

“There are a lot of people from areas that would have been considered Northern Nigeria pre 1960 that are culturally, ethnically and religiously closer to people from what would be considered “Southern Nigeria”

‘NORTH & SOUTH ARE GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATIONS NOT CULTURES’

“Core north and south for starters. Let the middle belt states choose where that want to follow.”

‘WHY MUST THEY CHOOSE? SO THAT THEY CAN STUPIDLY SUBSTITUTE ONE DOMINANCE FOR ANOTHER? WHY WILL ANY MINORITY CHOOSE TO BE DOMINATED IN THE NAME OF CULTURAL SIMILARITIES.

‘AT LEAST NOW THEY ARE RELEVANT IN THE SWINGS OF POLITICAL MOODS, BEDDING STRANGE FELLOWS TO GET SOME THINGS. MINORITIES GOT A PRESIDENT IN THIS SETTING. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN IF THEY SUBMIT TO ONE DOMINANT MAJORITY IN A NORTHERN OF SOUTHERN SETTING

‘REMEMBER SOUTH SUDAN PEOPLE!!! EVEN LIBYA!! WHAT HAPPENED IN THESE COUNTRIES IS A BIG WARNING TO COUNTRIES SUCH AS OURS.

‘3 YEARS AFTER APC WON A LANDSLIDE VICTORY WE OVERWHELMING DECIDED & THEN CELEBRATED (GOD KNOWS I WARNED OF THIS) NOW WE WANT TO DIVIDED THE BED IN 2 BECAUSE THE WIFE IS HAVING HER 4 (YEARS) PERIOD.’

“SO WHAT ARE YOU PROPOSING AS A SOLUTION?”

‘Nigeria remains one. For once let us behave like a nation, close ranks & give democracy a long try. It is the only way. The western nations we admire went through this process. It is at the precipice that we bring the best out of ourselves. The literate & logical elements in this country must bond together & make true change happen. It starts with using our votes wisely & teaching others to do same’

“It’s an ideal… Great in concept of logic too, herculean in its practical execution given the complete lack of trust we have for each other.’

“What I don’t understand still from all the conversations around politics in Nigeria is.. the obsession with who occupies the office of president? Please, don’t get me wrong, I believe the office is very critical and important but I also believe that it’s on a lower level of importance wrt to creating broad, impactful and sustainable change that touches everyone.

“Is our obsession with this office to do with a residual military era mindset? Where one single individual is supposed and expected to lead all fronts of our national life.

“The NASS and the characters we vote in there is what I consider most important for our collective survival and progress. When are we going to start discussing these ones with equal vigor as we do the office of president? When are we going to realize that this constitution and current laws, which are a legacy of a military despotism, will not provide the right levers and enablers for a true democracy. When are we going to awaken fully to the fact that the will, spirit, principles and character of the judiciary and legislature is most important to the survival of a truly effective and efficient democracy?

“We have been barking up the wrong branch of this tree for too long. We must refocus on the right things to guarantee a sane and potentially prosperous future for our progeny.

“We need to fight for the edit of our common laws to strengthen the right institutions, so that they in turn can fight for the common man which we all are…

“Done correctly, the current crop of political interlopers and passengers won’t even see us coming.”

Pot calls kettle black…

Remember the “Coolest Monkey in the Jungle” H&M promo?

Well that’s what some fools did in South Africa in retaliation.

Looks like the idle goons in South Africa have run out of fellow black Africans to bash & have turned on the clothes racists designed for them instead.

Senseless twits!!

Honestly…

You know if anybody else did this, I could be a little less angry. But BLACK SOUTH AFRICANS!!!

Pot calling kettle black…fits the bill here snugly.

One fellow in my whatsApp group sums it up nicely..”Looking at those pictures only gave me one impression… A troop of baboons must have passed through there!”

GERMAN ENGLISH

This is Absolutely Brilliant & you will want to read this to the end.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

And Congratulations, you have learnt German within minutes…“`

I WAS ALMOST KIDNAPPED

I was away in Bauchi for work this weekend & I was almost kidnapped.

Strangest thing

My trip was to inspect a school of health in an area in Bauchi town called Kandahar. They are looking to affiliate with the school I work for.

I got in around 3pm Saturday & insisted I started immediately cos I plan to leave early today. I was done by 6pm & was in my hotel room 15 minutes later. It is a shitty hotel with no cable TV, just central video playing old nollywood films.

Trust me nah. I ventured out to the nearest viewing center to watch the rest of the Chelsea vs Norwich City FA match. I asked & got directions. Seated & sipping my coke, it was already well into the game. About the beginning of the second half two middle aged men arrived & sat either side of me. They greeted & oddly complimented me for my inspection of their neighboring school a few hours earlier. I didn’t recall seeing either of them there but then there were lots of people around, staff members mainly.

Anyways, it turns out that they had only observed from close by & hatched the idea for a quick Buck.

The idea is to grab me for just the night & make my host pay for my release or suffer the consequence. And the idiots thought telling me will make me cooperate.

A pen knife was shown to me & I was to believe that one of them was brandishing a pistol inside the pocket of his kaftan.

I thanked God for my little soja training in military school. I was immediately certain there is no hidden gun & the fools were softies, without a day’s experience in combat.

I readied to spring out of the plastic chair like a cobra & lash out at the guy with the knife first, with an open handed slap. Then kick out at the other guy with my good left foot.

Behold, the men suddenly burst out laughing. It was a prank & they were sent by my host to look me up but learned I had stepped out to watch a game so they joined me. The gun turned out to be a pistol feigned hand and the knife a stainless steel opener.

It was a nice comic relief but it didn’t help my heart pressure

😅😅😅😅

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A NATIONAL ICON

Happy Birthday to a national icon.

GLORIA OFOEGBU

National U17 FIFA world cup player (2wice) Captain

National U20 FIFA world cup player
Silver medalist

Super Falcons capped at left back

FA cup winner 5 times

National league winner 6 times

Wishing you the most ‘Glorious’ years ahead, with lots of good health, prosperity, peace & happiness, amen

God is your strength, your shield & salvation. He will light you a safe passage through life. Have faith & believe your destiny is secured in His graceful watch.

Many Happy Return.
God bless you